at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
