just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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