I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize