I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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