In the future we'll all be gay
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
