We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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