so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize