I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
