ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
