All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
