The maid of honor just puked.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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