i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
