You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
