I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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