I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
