Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
