8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
