Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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