Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
