The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
