If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well you can't waste a boner
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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