i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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