A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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