just tell him i said nine months
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
