Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
