his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
