plz talk dirty to me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
