maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
