I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize