but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
