Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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