okay pat passed out under dana's car
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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