its not stalking. its research.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
