1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So much Jack, so little girl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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