One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize