If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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