If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So here I am, sexting at work.
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