my mouth tastes like poor choices
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
