She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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