guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
