I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
