I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
