is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
