i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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