Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
