bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize