So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize