O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
