dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
