it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
