Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
