my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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