Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
