I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
