Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
