He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
