Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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