Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
