My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
