I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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