she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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