Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
