Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
