SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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