Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
