Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
