I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
