he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
