guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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