Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
