so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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