bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
