Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
