lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drake has all the answers
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
