so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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