Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
