I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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