I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
