Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
