I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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