ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dignity is for republicans.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
