Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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