i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
