he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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