the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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