I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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