I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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