Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
