i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
