i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So much Jack, so little girl.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
