respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
