i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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