Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
