I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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