I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
