Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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