I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize