Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
