South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
