My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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