and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
