We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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