Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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