Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
