I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
