I got chris browned last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
