do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
