wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
